Friday, 14 August 2015


It isn't getting any easier, this weary life of mine; Im waiting for the day to when I can leave it all behind.

Im losing strengh to carry on and make it through each day; my pain I carry deep inside I wish would somehow go away.

The people in my life are losing a battle to keep me sane; one day they know I'll be push to far to come back from the end.

This burden that I carry is tearing me apart; its hard to walk through life living with a dying, broken heart.

From the inside out and head to toe I'm slowly fading away; its just a matter of time before I finally take my life away.

I wish someone could save me and deliver a blessed hand; for saying goodbye would be easy if I could walk in a peaceful land.

I fear that I am not so strong to stand and face the fight; but if I just try hard enough I believe that I will finlly, through the darkness, find that hopefull light. 

Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Just one more...

Just one more scar to make complete the picture of my pain; the blood runs smooth and the slash runs deep to satisfy my ache.
Just one more glass to help me forget the memories i can not bare, the liquid burns and my senses blur to ease me of this strain.
Just one more pill to take away the sight that burdens me; the sleep it creeps and the light it dims to rid me of this heartache.
Just one more step to finally end the life i want to leave; the air is cold and the fall is enough to finally put me at peace. 

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

A perfect ending

I fell too far in to my dream, too perfect though it seemed. I banished all my bad and started up a knew, the pain of my reality just a thread within my mind.

The world outside didn't know and the people around wouldn't guess. My dream to perfect to leave, I relished in the glow and faded out the memories of what I never wanted to remember. 

I bathed in the light of my world only I knew existed. Away from the pain and the heartache that scorned, I walk the grounds of a place I created. 

I chose to wander and leave everything I knew behind. It's weird not aging or growing or dying, I'm forever locked in a moment watching everything pass by though I can't touch. 

I chose to die. My only way of escaping what I wanted to get out of, forever freed from the darkness and the hatred and in to the light of a prefect ending. 

Friday, 28 December 2012


I fall to pieces now you are not here, I lose my senses now your arms are not mine. My heart it breaks now we are not touching, My life, it's not complete now my life isn't right.
   I miss your heart beating and the smile's of plenty, the texts good night and the calls in the morning. The empty house is cold and dark without the love making, song writing and cake baking; you tore me apart.
  Flowers bloom and birds sing, I sit in my room and cry; people laugh and babies play, I smash plates and scream. The sun shines, the stars glow, my heart feels nothing but pain; the earth turns and bells chime, i live in darkness each day.
  What once was happiness and grace is now broken and torn apart; the life of which I prayed each night was took from my very soul. The days of now are pointless, the nights are more still; my hopes and dreams of yonder are buried with still. 

Wednesday, 29 August 2012


I wondered along the lonely path for far to long it seemed; never stopped to look back or take an alternate route, everything just passed me by like visions of my dreams.
I spent so long in the dark i felt i would never see the light; I relished in the caverns of grey to weak to understand, to weak to stand and fight.
I was lost, helpless and barely hanging on; I knew it was time, I knew it was the end so long had it been, I knew I could no longer hold on.
But then it happened; an angel somehow found me and took me out of the darkness; he birthed me to a new beginning of hope and triumph, I knew that it was fate and I was no longer abandoned.
Like a puzzle it all clicked and the slots fell in to place; my life was turned up right and the sun was beginning to shine, the path became a branch of routes to wonder as I might.
I look back on the withered being no hope was there it seemed; yet look at who they have become where they have traveled, what they have done and achieved.
If you feel at any point lost or alone and like the world is no longer your oyster; have hope, feel the faith and someday someone will come fishing and you will see the light.


Friday, 20 July 2012

The wrath of the Sisters

I look in to his eyes as they scold through me, not a trace of my being is left within my soul; I feel strange and yet more alive than I have ever been. Something inside creeps upon me, a feeling of sheer burning, a scold within my throat. I know not what my body desires nor what I must do to suppress the pain. As I turn. the faint smell of iron seeps into my nose and that is when I see it... a large silver goblet overflowing with deep red blood; I can bear the feeling no longer and leap over until the goblet is grasped between my cold hard fingers and the lusting liquid is sliding down the inside of my neck. The burning slowly subsides and I look in to the eyes of my killer, the eyes of my creator, and for the first time I feel a sense of belonging and a sense of being. Was I destined for this all along, was my fate foreseen that I should become a ravenous killer, a poisonous plague to be inflicted upon mankind; the people I once called family. It matters no more what I feel, the sensation of immortality is overpowering...and I crave more.

             I once hunted my new found family for a living; I used to crawl within the shadows picking them off one by one. I was part of the Slayers and would watch as the Stalker I had captured burned alive until there was nothing but ash to remind us that they are truly living creatures. Now I am one of them, I am no longer the hunter, I am the hunted and I shall have to fight for my survival against the Slayers and against my father, their leader.

             A large wooden door opens and through it I see a face I recognise all too quickly. The soft auburn curls trailing to the shoulders, the emerald green eyes so vibrant they sparkle in the candlelight illuminating the room, the plump rose coloured lips which every boy in town longs to kiss, and the could I forget for it is the same as mine. We were just children when our mother was slaughtered to death by the Shifters and as a reminder to our father that they would return one day for his daughters, their leader scratched the letter X on to both mine and Ava's backs, ex marks the spot we were told; a reminder they would return one day, a reminder which has haunted us both for years. Ava is older than I and far more beautiful in every feature but I can’t help feeling smug that my new being has given me the same, if not more, attractiveness she possesses. I glide over to my creator as my withering sister stares straight at me as if begging for me to save her.
"Aleera, please, you can’t possibly be happy with what you are? You were taken from father but only yesterday and already you are embracing the thing you swore to hate! If there is any part of my sister still inside you then please, this is not you, you are not one of them, you are Aleera Waithen, a  Slayer. Don’t you remember mother? She was the one who trained us, who believed in us, how can you just let all that slip away?"
"Mother is dead and has been for 16 years, I have been invisible to you and father for so long and now I finally feel free, I can finally be the Waithen I want to be. And hear this... I will be the first Waithen in history to be remembered for joining the beings we, you've, destroyed for so many years. If we join with them just think of the power we could possess, think of the power our children could possess. Human and Stalker combined could be something great, a new generation of Earth dwellers that could rule for thousands of years, unstoppable; indestructible and nothing in this world would be able to stop us, nothing in this world could take us down. We will be strong, forever invincible. Don't you want that? Don't you want to live forever?"
"I would rather die than join the Stalkers" the room suddenly fills with a bright ultraviolet light which burns into my skin. I bolt to the darkest side of the room and shelter myself, hide myself away, for fear I may loose my new found happiness.

"Ava! Ava! Are you here? Are you alive?"
"Yes Harlan I'm here, I'm alive!" Harlan, our eldest cousin, I have not seen him in years and yet here he is on a rescue mission saving his only remaining human cousin from her venomous sister, what a return this must be. 
"Did you find her? Has the worst come to pass?"
"I'm affraid so dear cousin, yet I feel all is not lost"
"Come, let’s go!." As they rise to their feet Ava stops, Harlan stares and pulls at her hand but she ignores him and moves closer to where I am retreating.
"Aleera, I know your still here and I know there is still part of you inside, I know that you can still be saved, please... come home, where you belong. You are treading on dangerous waters. I don't want to walk the shadows at night knowing that the next Stalker I slay could be you. I never want that guilt looming over my shoulders for the rest of my life. Please, don't make the wrong choice."
I speak through the darkness with a look of anger sweeping my face, though knowing Hope cannot see I still keep my expression firmly in place. "Too late, I've already made my choice. I am a Stalker now, it’s in my blood, in my nature; I could rip out your throat with one single slice, I could destroy all of you if I wanted. I am not going back now, not with this much life careering through my veins."
"So be it. I never wanted it to come to this but you leave me no other choice. I will hunt you down, I will kill you and I won’t be alone. Today you live, tomorrow you die. Farewell dear sister." taking Harlan's hand she disappeared in to the night along with the other 25 Slayers I used to call my friends. 

            Ava's words swim through my mind and for just a second I feel loss and sadness but all to quickly the power overthrows and hatred towards my sister and the Slayers entrances my body. I snarl so loudly I begin to shake. I will not leave who I am now, if I have to defend myself then I shall. They are not my family anymore they are my enemy. They are the love I lost and the hate I found, they are gone to me and I embrace my new found form. I am new, I am young...I am reborn.

Friday, 15 June 2012

Ye olde sweet shoppe

For those who remember that special time in your life when you, for the first time, entered a sweet shop and realised a dream come true :)

My mother promised me in town, when I was 6, that I was allowed one place to go for being such a good girl. I spent all the time thinking about where to go that I thought I would never find a shop. I had the choice of toy shops, clothes shops, so many I could browse through but none really caught my heart. Upon leaving the day behind I saw it; out the corner of my eye...The Ye Olde Sweet Shoppe. I had heard of it from all the kids at school and had always wanted to go inside; they would say that Mr Bobbin, the owner, loved the children's custom and was so kind to everyone. They told me that once a week he would open his shop just to the children and allow them the choice of a free bag of sweets or one chocolate bar. They described him as an old man with white hair and large belly, they made him sound so wonderful.
The smooth wooden frame and linoleum red and white striped canopy above the window were so striking and friendly. The row after row of sweet jars in the window were enough to make my mouth water. I could see so many choices but nothing that I did not want. Inside the shop I stood mesmerized by the magic it possessed, the sweet aroma was making me drool and the colourful walls were so bright and happy. Mr Bobbin appeared between a red and white door stream. He was as expected, an old man with white hair and large belly; he looked a wholesome fellow with a kind heart. My mother and him spoke for a while, reminiscing about her childhood days inside the shop and announcing she never thought she would see this place again. I looked wall to wall at all the different sweets and realised multiple of things I wanted, I did not want to leave empty handed and so when Mr Bobbin asked what I wanted I asked for one of everything. He laughed and told me it would cost mummy too much for such asking and so I settled for £1 worth of Milk bottles. They had always been my favourite sweet so I was content with making the compromise Mr Bobbin had suggested. Telling the kid's at school made me- for some time- quite popular. I would go after school with them to the free sweet sessions and became close with the shop and more in love with sweets.
My love for sweets and my love for the shop played important factors in my life because I became Mr Bobbins apprentice at the age of 16. He taught me everything he knew and made me swear never to tell any one the sweet shop secrets. We began to find a strong friendship in one another and for a time the shop was the only place I longed to be; he told me I was like the granddaughter he never had. I grew up at Mr Bobbins side and learned every thing I needed for owning my own sweet shop, which was my dream.
Our friendship lasted until the day he died. The hardest thing was finding he had left me the shop in his will and that I had to run it on my own, the sad thing was that he had no family to hand it over to but the best thing was that we found a friendship and that he trusted me and believed in me.
I will never forget Mr Bobbin and never forget that day when I was 6. Being the owner of The Ye  Olde Sweet Shoppe is the SWEETEST thing.